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gaurangi mehta shah

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  • home
    • about
    • exhibitions
  • portfolio
    • 2020 – the third space
    • 2020 mini series – integrating, disintegrating only to integrate again. Repeat.
    • 2019 – fh-(aces)
    • 2018 – struggle with the Self
    • 2017 – beneath the masks
    • transformation/upcycled products
  • blog
  • shop
  • contact me
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Home / 2019_Constantly feeling a loss / 2019_Constantly feeling a loss

2019_Constantly feeling a loss

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This minis series - lost and found, is all about my 2020 burnout experience. Each painting (6*6 inches) tells a personal story of what I went through during the burnout. The frozen state, the inaction, the numbness, the lack of desire to do anything, understanding and accepting what was going on, being gentle on myself, allowing myself to just be, reading and journaling, taking time to bounce back and somewhere slowly seeing my disappearing form appearing gently. My mini series at a glance.
This minis series - lost and found, is all about my 2020 burnout experience. Each painting (6*6 inches) tells a personal story of what I went through during the burnout. The frozen state, the inaction, the numbness, the lack of desire to do anything, understanding and accepting what was going on, being gentle on myself, allowing myself to just be, reading and journaling, taking time to bounce back and somewhere slowly seeing my disappearing form appearing gently. My mini series at a glance.
Immersing myself in the now. With closed eyes and an open mind. Waiting to see what images turn up for me. Pondering, reflecting, questioning. Why was I being so hard on myself? Why was there an urgency to prove myself? Why did tasks feel like a burden? Why did I allow myself to be in this position? So many whys! I was able to answer few questions. The patterns were visible. The knots were untying. Still more to go, it is always work in progress. Unravelling itself slowly.
There was a loss of function. No movement no action. Everything had stopped. Despite an initial stress to do something, a deep understanding dawned on me that this burnout has a message for you. And then the urgency to be constructive ceased to exist. Slowly there was an unveiling of the Self from the mist. I was able to find myself just by allowing myself to be. I was slowly coming into existence one step at a time. No rush no hurry. Materializing bit by bit. All the time losing and finding myself.
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